As any casual observer of American politics knows, the Clintons are a rather slimy pair. They dodge and weave better than Sugar Ray Leonard. The Evangelical Libertarian caught up with them in the Hamptons for a mock interview. Let’s listen in.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Bill and Hillary, you didn’t know anything about what Jim McDougal was doing with that money over at Whitewater Development Corporation? You guys had been friends for years. He raised all that money for you, and was even an economic advisor to you when you were governor of Arkansas.
Clintons: Why no sir, Hillary was just his lawyer at Madison Guaranty, and we were his partners at Whitewater Development, but we didn’t know a thing, scouts honor.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Well Mrs. Clinton, how did did you turn 1000.00 into 100,000.00 by investing in cattle futures?
Hillary Clinton: Dumb luck I guess. I read the Wallstreet Journal everyday and studied up on the market. I know economists worked out the numbers and the odds were 1 in 250,000,000 that it could be done, but I was a Rhodes Scholar.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Bill, did you have sex with Monica Lewinsky?
Bill Clinton: I did not, well, what’s the definition of is, dang it Ken Starr, maybe, ok I lied, yes, but it’s a private matter.
The Evangelical Libertarian: But you were under oath.
Bill Clinton: So?! Next question.
The Evangelical Libertarian: What about Gennifer Flowers and Kathleen Willey?
Bill Clinton: You remember what James Carville said, “If you run through a trailer park carrying 100.00 bill your libel to get a little white trash. I agree with this statement.
The Evangelical Libertarian: But did you sexually harass them?
Bill Clinton: Talk to my lawyers.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Aren’t you a lawyer?
Bill Clinton: Not anymore, I was convicted of perjury and lost my license to practice.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Did you guys read any of those FBI files on several hundred people that were illegally requested and obtained by Craig Livingstone in your Office of Personal Security. Those files were mainly your politcal enemies.
Both Clintons: Even Ken Starr said we were innocent on that one! It was Craig Livingstone, I don’t know who hired that nimrod.
The Evangelical Libertarian: Hillary did, don’t you remember?
Hillary: Remember what?
Bill Clinton: Hillary had a real bad concussion in 2013, lasted more than six months. It’s really affected her memory.
The Evangelical Libertarian: But her staff said she was fine less than 30 days later and that she was in full command of the State Department the whole time. But you say it lasted 6 months, which is it?
Both Clintons: (crickets)
The Evangelical Libertarian: Moving right along. Hillary, why didn’t you send help to the station in Benghazi?
Hillary Clinton: Does it matter?
The Evangelical Libertarian: Was the attack in Benghazi caused by a video?
Hillary Clinton: Does it matter?
Hillary Clinton: I already told you I hit my head, what more do you want?
The Evangelical Libertarian: But if you are in such bad health, how can you run for President?
Hillary Clinton: I’ve paid my dues, I deserve to be queen. (Stomps foot) That little idiot up start from Chicago delayed my plans for World domination. As you can see from our interview, I am the most adept, lethal politician in the business. Do you think this guy (points to Bill) would’ve lasted this long with out me?
The Evangelical Libertarian: Sensing blood lust, I thank Clintons for their time, and back away keeping my eye on Hillary as I retreat to my car.
Seriously though, the Clintons have been involved in so many scandals that Wikipedia has had to alphabetize them. I created this little satire to beg a question. Do we really want these people occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. again? I hope and pray that America, heck, even the Democratic Party, might spare us this horror and put up somebody else as a candidate. If they do, I promise to do my part and make sure no one with the last name of Bush is on the ticket either.
The Evangelical Libertarian